A year of our precious boy Alex

Wow. One Year baby boy.

5 days old

Where do I begin? I think I might have to keep this brief, because I want to write you a proper letter in your letters book that's just for you to read. I'll include lots of pictures here instead.

A year ago I'd never gone through any significant mental health issues (no more anxiety or sadness than the normal person), but I'd also never felt a love like I feel for you. You don't understand it until it happens. Of course I love my nieces, nephews and godchildren with all my heart, but there is nothing like my love for our son.

2 months old

This year has seen us both grow and learn new things, you as a new human into this world (though I'm CONVINCED you've been here before) and me as a new mamma. I don't know if I'll ever be able to repay you for the moments of joy you bring to me, but I hope I can help you continue to develop in the way that you are.

You are funny, sweet, often impatient and stubborn and ALWAYS determined. Though that can sometimes be frustrating right now - you won't take no for an answer - I hope that takes you far in life.

4 months old

The past 4 months of your first year have been the strangest in my life, and I don't know if you will remember it. But you've also developed so much in our time in lockdown, and I'm grateful to have had that time with you between (and during) Teams work calls, and Fitsteps Zoom classes (and quiz nights). I spoke to someone today about not being very resilient, but sitting writing this now I think I might be more resilient than I think.

6 months old

Yes, I've felt emotional in the days leading up to your First Birthday, but I can't believe how far I've come since you came into the world. And that in part is thanks to you. I thought I'd have learnt to have more patience, but that hasn't come yet in all honesty - maybe it will later down the line. But what I have learnt is that I'm stronger that I thought I was, EVEN more stubborn than I believed I was (and I was stubborn before...), but also less selfish than I believed I was.

8 months old

I hope we can make your birthday as wonderful as you've made our lives.

10 months old

Here's to the next 12 months - I hope it's full of adventure (whether at home or elsewhere after lockdown), learning, fun and laughter. I know there will inevitably be difficult moments - please can you stop falling over so I can try to chill out a little - but the happy times will always outweigh those.

Happy Birthday little man, our beautiful boy and fearless dude.

I love you more than you'll ever know.