Remember having "that chat" with your mum/dad/carer? I do.
It came one Sunday evening, after we'd watched a nature programme during which monkeys were having sex.
I vividly remember my mother laughing at the programme and trying to tell me that they were having sex quietly - my sister, who is 23 months younger than me was also in the room - and then later having the talk, during which she drew me a picture of a womb (lol) to explain periods and my reaction to sex was "yuck". haha.
Obviously following that there came years of discussions with friends and school sex education - which I'll be honest, I can't remember much of. I recall a meeting in the hall of all year 7 girls during which we were given some free sanitary products. That's the most I recall.
When I started my period, I was 13 and I noticed when I came home from school one evening. My mother was upstairs in the bath and I ran straight up to her and got in with her.
Me as a teenager. Possibly 13 - this photo wasn't dated
I've always been... let's say.....free with my emotions (some would say - have said - dramatic, I say passionate and honest!). Not very much stays inside of me whether it be anger, sadness or joy. And boy did the hormones let it be known when I wasn't happy. Of course, that was spoken about - I don't ever recall there not being a conversation around raging teenage hormones.
And I am getting to my point, I promise. If we are so open about puberty and all the emotions and mental health issues that surround that - why does the discussion stop there when we're talking about changes to our bodies, be those physical, mental or hormonal?
Following almost 2 years of no periods during pregnancy and breastfeeding (other than post partum bleeding of course), they returned when Alex was 13 months old.
Of course, I felt lucky to have had such a long break from them, because I'm not sure I know anyone who enjoys a period (other than the relief when you're not trying to get pregnant!), but that initial shock at it coming back having bled out so much at home was an emotional few days.
About 16 or 17. Was definitely a cramps and heavy periods teenager.
Fast forward to the week leading up to what would be my third since, and there was a definite shift in my mood. I was quickly irritable and snappy, raging angry and cried a lot. Full of self doubt and criticism. I was also VERY clumsy, particularly the night before while I was cooking tea.
On Wednesday morning I did a straw poll of Instagram asking whether people have found PMS/PMT worse since having a baby. I may not have had hundreds of responses, but still got a good few and the answer was unanimous - YES.
Move on to the afternoon and my period arrived and I INSTANTLY felt lighter. It was like a switch had been flipped.
So WHY is this not spoken about? Why on earth is it that there is so much mystery surrounding women's health, and you have to google/speak to friends WHEN IT'S ALREADY HAPPENING?
I honestly thought I was going mad and heading back into some form of PTSD/PND, but actually this is perfectly normal. It could be PMDD (Premenstrual dysphoric disorder), a more serious form of PMS, but this is something that I need to keep an eye on over the next few cycles to see whether it is, and what vitamins, minerals or hormonal supplements I could take to help with the symptoms.
Last month, Loose Women did a Menopause week talking about the delightful next stage of women's health for me, which I am hoping to research the hell out of before it or pre-menopause comes to me, so I'm prepared and can take care of myself appropriately when that arrives.
It's yet another area which isn't talked about enough, though thanks to a world where these and other mental health issues are more acceptable to raise, is becoming spoken about more. With my family history, it's probably also likely I'll have a hysterectomy at some point, possibly prompting a medical menopause for me. It's something I am preparing myself for, though who knows what will happen?
Working with Peppy Health, Loose Women have put together this Menopause Support Sheet for people at all stages of menopause, with support lines, tips and information.
Update: I started writing this blog piece last month and have since had another period. This time, my mood seemed to shift on day 3 of the period rather than prior. So who knows what's going on?
All I know is, it's unhelpful to 1. Not talk about women's health enough and 2. Find it too easy to label women 'emotional' or 'hysterical' when in fact this is an actual chemical reaction happening in our bodies which can't be helped.
Today: Period length is shorter than when I started, but there's still cramping and heavy days. And as mentioned, those PMS symptoms are BRUTAL. Who knows what's next in this journey?
You can tell us to "smile, love" or "cheer up" as much as you like, but sometimes there is no shifting the mood until that hormonal surge is over, and it's even healthy to sit with those feelings for a while. We are humans, we are not designed to be happy 24/7, 365.
What helps in those times is people being kind, hugs, running us a bath or making us a cuppa or a glass of wine.
So though the issues can seem complex, it's just because they're not spoken about or understood. We're not THAT complex. Sometimes we just need the wine and cheese while we bleed for 5 days.
Please share your experiences of talking about periods/PMS/menopause in the comments.
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